A Joke sent in by site visitor Jim Coan, thanks and hope you keep coming back.
I'm going ice fishing!
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man coolly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."
A man came home from work, sat down at his fly tying bench, switched the light on and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top! "You b*st*rd! You waltz in here, flop your fat *rse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "It's started!"
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A study conducted by University of Arizona Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, the study found that if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a fly tying vice jammed up his *rse while he is on fire.
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Dear Technical Support
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2 which I had used for many years without any trouble.
However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5 and SportOnTv 6.9.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried the Shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run the new version, Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with bonuses such as FreeSexPlus and CleanHouse2004.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has un automatic Diary, Mobile Phone, Explorer and e-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShopBrowser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week.
Another problem is when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to MyCar hard drive, it
often crashes.
Wife 1.0 comes with an irritating pop up called MotherInLaw, which can't
be turned off.
Recently I attempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be
problems.
A friend of mine alerted me to the fact that Wife 1.0 eventually detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all your Money files before uninstalling itself.
Help requested Please!!
A woman goes into Harrods to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where the Harrods’ salesman is standing wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for £44."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.The man rings up the sale and says,
"That'll be £58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44. How did you get to £58.50?"
He replies, "Yes Madam, the rod and reel are £44, but the Duck Caller is £11 and the Fish Bait is £3.50."
Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex
When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good.
If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler.
If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
Thanks Fluffchucker.
 Thanks again Fluffchucker, anyone else wish to contribute?
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